Stress, Language and Your Relationships (and How They’re All Connected)
Differences between how we speak as Indigenous people, versus in Western societies, and why it matters.
I want you in on this conversation I had with my partner this past Sunday. Let’s call him RC, he’s private like that.
Me: Isn’t interesting how the language we use in this society, mirrors how we see ourselves and how we show up in life?
RC: Absolutely. Language conveys meaning. That’s how you see the world.
Me: Hm… it’s like our subconscious comes out in our words.
RC: Yep! That’s why I always said, “listen to what they are saying,” before we interview someone. “The words they choose. What details they share. Everything.” Our subconscious betrays us.
Our subconscious betrays us.
So what on earth does that have to do with you?
First, I don’t know if I would use the word ‘betray’ for you and me. RC is talking about interrogating criminals like serial killers and rapists. But the language we use does show us (and others) what we think and feel about things. Our values and culture even.
The language we use to talk about ourselves, our relationships, nature, anything really, reflects how we feel and act.
In my return to using my native language, Mapudungun (translates to: language of the earth), I’ve noticed key differences between how we speak as Indigenous people and how we speak in Western societies.
It reflects…
- how we treat ourselves
- how we treat each other
- how we look at healing
- how we see nature
… and sooo much more.
For example, let’s look at a few words in English:
tree
the animals
land (as in ownership and property)
If I translate how that would be in Mapudungun (and many other native languages) it would be:
tree= to be a tree (recognizing as living and alive)
the animals= our brothers and sisters/four-legged relatives
land = Our mother and home. Sometimes also described as a womb.
Look how it went from a ‘thing’ or an object to being alive and part of us like family.
Okay, one more time. My favorite subject.
stress
trauma
Translating to how we speak and think of it as Mapuche:
stress= to feel fear, an instinct to survive, survival energies
trauma= internal wound caused by the survival energies. Turning into kütran, imbalance.
Notice how it went from being just a word with no connection to what you experience, something that just “is” and that you deal with and manage, to… well, the opposite.
Through our native languages, we can see a connection and understand the experience.
As part of our worldview as Mapuche, we understand that when there’s kütran (imbalance), it extends to our family and communities.
Because we see animals and nature (land) as our family, we know that if there’s an imbalance within us, it will affect them as well.
That’s why healing ourselves (meaning, not living in survival) is so important. The healing of our land and our relationships are depending on it.
Imagine how many people are out there, especially after these stressful past 12 months, feeling lost, and can’t see the connection between what they are feeling and experiencing.
Our language can limit us but it can also give us so much knowledge and wisdom.
There’s a huge difference between looking at your relationship with a loved one and go:
I can’t stand this person. They are always so frustrated and get angry about every little thing. This person is impossible!
Versus using a language that describes the experience:
My partner (or friend/family member/anyone really) and I are living in survival after everything that has happened this year. We feel fear, defensive, angry like we have to protect ourselves because that’s what survival energies do. It builds a wall between us. It makes it hard to hear and see each other. But it’s not a reflection of who we are, just what we are going through.
This past year has been stressful for a lot of people.
Imagine if we instead looked at it as an imbalance. As people living in survival, trying to navigate the best they can.
Then you become more understanding of yourself and those around you.
And you know what else?
Nature always strives for balance.
We just have to let nature (that includes your instincts) do its job. That means not get in the way by suppressing and ignoring it.
It’s not as hard as it sounds, I promise.
Pewkayal,
Mandy
What do your problems have to do with suppressing your instincts? Watch this free mini-class. You’ll learn what happens when you go through something stressful or maybe even traumatic. And how you’ve been taught to ignore your instincts. (Hint: that’s never a good idea)
